Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
