I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
