I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
