If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
