She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
