DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
