Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
