Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
