so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But theres a keg here and me gusta
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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