those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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