The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
