Pants 0. Shit 1.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I intend to get homeless drunk
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
