sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
