Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
