I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
