What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
