I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Just pee around me
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
