she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
