new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
