The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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