Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
