I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
