Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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