Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
