one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
