then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
