Just fell off a train. Bad.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
