we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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