The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
