I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
