We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
