There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
