I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
