I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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