that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
