I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I'm always down for nudity.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
