In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
