she smelled like a LAN party
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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