only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
