Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
