He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
