Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
