Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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