cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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