fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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