yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
