this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
