Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
