the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
