You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
