420 ftw
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
