did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
