she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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