you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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