but the lizard people decide everything anyway
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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