end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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