Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize