good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
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Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
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I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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