All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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