Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
