So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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