You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
