Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
