I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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