is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize
