Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
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