Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
