Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
They took my balls.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
