Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
