So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
