I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
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sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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