If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
it's not cheating when I paid for it
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
