She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
