TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
