TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
