saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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