john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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