We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
