if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
i believe in u and ur pee
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
