the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
